With the new year on the horizon, I started loosely thinking about 2019. Historically I’ve picked a word for the year but this year nothing big was coming to mind. I would throw out words like purposeful, bold, brave, aware… but nothing stuck. One thing I did keep thinking about was motherhood and the first year of being a mom – specifically Hilde’s mom. And then it hit me.

Mama is my word for the year. Now I feel like this needs to be said with so many disclaimers. I know I am more than a mom – I’m a wife, friend, writer, creative, sister, person. I know that many mamas choose words for the year that are not related to their role as a mother. Also, I know that mamas can stay home with their kids or they can go back to work and all still be great mamas. This isn’t a debate or something I think everyone needs to feel – this is just me and my journey and where the Lord has me right now.

This year and right now, I feel the Lord asking me to be “mama” first.

To chose days momming over days kicking booty at my job. Again – this isn’t saying that women cannot do both well. This is saying to be obedient, I need give motherhood more time that my job. I’m lucky too because I can easily do that. I can set my own hours to make more hours for Hilde and less for working and I can also mix them both sometimes too. Like right now. Hilde is sitting in her bouncer that she loves with her teether we gave her for Christmas and chatting up a storm. I just took a break between paragraph one and paragraph two to change a poopy diaper that I heard her create and she smiled at me the whole time. I don’t know how long she will let me stand here and write but here I am doing just that with whatever time I’ve got.

Today I had some emails sitting in my inbox but I also had a little girl running out of clothes to wear. We weighed her yesterday and she came in just under 17 lbs which makes sense why it was so hard to button-up her 3-6 month onesies! Instead we went shopping with some Christmas gift cards and bought the next size up. I also learned to buy clothes according to the weight numbers on the tags and not the months as our little girl is a little ahead of the game! haha. But that is just the point. This year is a year about putting mom things first, family first. About buying diapers instead of classes on SEO.

In some parts of my heart this feels radical.

I envisioned myself as a working mother. I didn’t think I could stay at home all day and raise kids – I thought I would be bored. Honestly, I like the idea of having it all – a husband, a job, a clean house, a family, dinner on the table every night. I also like the idea of two incomes – or at least the idea of me bringing in money too. As if somehow my worth is associated with a paycheck. But in other parts of my heart this feels so right and my outlook has changed. I want to chat with Hilde to help her learn and grow. Take her to her check-ups, buy her new clothes for her growing body, nurse her, change her, and meet her needs. It’s a lot of work but it is more rewarding than I ever thought.

I’ve been telling people I want to be a stay at home mom over my blog and my job here at Oak + Oats but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving. I’ll still be here. Long before this place was my job, it was my hobby and I’m not giving that up. Also, I’ll still be working with brands and sharing our life and our favorite products. I just probably won’t be launching an ecourse or spending time trying to figure out how to make this blog grow. It feels weird not to make a bunch of work goals but at the same time very freeing. This year I’m winging it and momming it and it never felt so right.

PS: Matching hats are from Amazon and a gift from Auntie Becca!