I know you have heard the buzz, 50 Shades of Grey is being released nationwide on Valentine’s day – bring your spouse, bring your date, or just go with friends for a “harmless love story”. Hollywood is aggressively pushing this so called love story. I tend to not write about such polarizing and controversial topics here but I do think too many people will blindly walk into this film and take home a message that is far from healthy. Today I want to share with you five quick reasons why I think you should skip 50 Shades of Grey this Valentine’s Day and watch something else.
IT ROMANTICIZES ABUSE
I saw someone’s retweet in my feed the other day from 50 Shades of Grey- “You said you didn’t do romance…” and it encouraged people to buy tickets for a new kind of romance. This is not a romance movie. This is a movie about abuse. I know the big thing is that it was consensual but even if consensual, abuse is still abuse. Not to mention alcohol is a heavy factor in the manipulation and result of her decisions. Under state laws, no one is deemed to consent to partner abuse and violence (resource.) This is a made up story which if happened in real life, has severe consequences for both participating parties.
IT NORMALIZES PORNOGRAPHY
I am not going to get into the huge hole of pornography, but it is not something that should be normalized. It is harmful to the men & women who watch it, it is harmful to the men and women who participate in making it, and it is harmful to the relationships of those addicted to it. Fight the New Drug is a wonderful website that shares lots of great information, statistics, and resources on pornography.
IT SEND THE MESSAGE THAT WITH LOVE ABUSIVE PEOPLE CAN CHANGE
In the end, after all the abuse and the dark path Ana is taken down by Mr. Grey, he learns to love her. Apparently Ana’s love changed his abusive behavior – this is not the case in most relationships. It sends the message to women that by being obedient and loving they can “fix” men who are controlling and violent. The cycle of abuse is heartbreaking and too many women are already caught in the cycle. If we are passionate about empowering women, this is not the way to do it. To read more about the Cycle of Abuse and other information and resources, check out Love is Respect.
IT SENDS THE MESSAGE THAT MEN CAN HAVE THEIR WAY WITH WOMEN
Another prevalent message is that men can do as they wish with women and they will like it/ always come back to them. Unfortunately, this can be the case in many abusive relationships but not in a healthy relationship. Intimacy in healthy relationships is based on trust, understanding, safety, and security.
IT IS DISGUISED AS A FAIRY TALE
Hollywood wants you to think this is the new fairy tale story. Girl meets boy. Boy is into sadism and sleeps with her right away. She is given alcohol and manipulated into signing a non-disclosure agreement that she won’t tell other people about his abusive behavior. After many steamy sex scenes and manipulation, her love somehow softens him and they get married and start a family…. And everyone lived happily ever after. The end of this story is fictional. I’ve already touched on it a bit, but the real world holds many legal, emotional, and physical implications.
For more information about this topic, check out these sites
The Danger of 50 Shades of Grey to your Son
The Danger of Fifty Shades of Grey to Your Daughter
Fight the New Drug
End Sexual Exploitation
Love Is Respect
I say this all to encourage, empower, and inform you. You have the right to have a healthy and functional relationship. You are so valuable, loved, and cherished. and you can make healthy and informed choices. If you are hoping to see a movie this Valentine’s day, I suggest Old Fashioned if you are in the mood for a good love story or just go with a classic like Big Hero 6 or the the Hobbit.
Elizabeth – I know next to nothing about the movie or books but for what I do know you perfectly, truthfully, and lovingly spoke into why it's just not okay. Thank you for writing this piece!
So clearly laid out! I love this. Bravo Elizabeth!
Such great reasons!!!
This post is perfect and so well written!
Those are all great points! I haven't read the novels, but I don't think anyone can miss the gist of the content by now. Your last point is especially great, I think, because I hear so many people justify and dismiss the dangers of it as "oh, it's just fiction." Well, I think that "just fiction" is a powerful tool. People have been using novels and satire for great social change for hundreds of years–like pointing out social and political injustices. Fiction, writing, and art are all powerful tools for good, but also for bad. And in this case, rationalizing the consumption of this movie/book as entertainment just isn't a good argument, anyway! Thank you for writing this and sharing the other resources.
I agree with this 100000000% and you presented the case so well. Thank you for this.
all i can say to this post is: amen.
you've presented this with such grace and love. <3
our culture is so overly sexified (new word ha!) that most people don't have a problem with things being so out there because "to each their own"…well when my 8 year old cousin talks about sex in a way that they should have NO IDEA what they are talking about it makes me want to throw all the tvs, computers, magazines, movies, etc into a huge fire and watch it burn. 🙂
hahaha – that escalated quickly.
Love Love Love this post! this needs to be spoken about more often. Thanks for stepping up and sharing these truths.
Your last point can really apply to so many movies. Well said.
YES. Thank you so much for your approach to such a heavy topic. I agree completely!