“But I want to be here
Truly be here
To watch the ones that I love bloom
And I want to make room
To love them through and through and through
And through the slow and barren seasons too”
The house was dark and quiet(ish), filled with a handful of children that woke in the early hours. To be fair, the sun is starting to rise later & later these days as we inch toward winter, so it’s not their fault entirely. The girls feet were making pitter patters as they ran in circles on the wood floors, the hallway was filled with their giggles and games, and Thorin cooed from the couch nearby. It was a rare moment of no needs to meet besides my own desire for a hot cup of coffee. As it brewed and I looked at the sinkful of dirty dishes. Seven by Sleeping at Last came up in my morning music playlist and I stopped to listen to every word. As an enneagram seven, this song always hits me deeply & I found myself tearing up into my morning coffee and trying to trick my girls into some extra snuggles with their dear mama! How is this beautiful little girl my tiny newborn infant?!? And how do I have three babies to call mine?!?
My heart is often restless & hungry. And when misplaced, can distract me from what is most important. What the Lord has entrusted me with and asked me to do – love God, love others – but “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied!”
My prayer is that this heart of mine hungers and thirsts for righteousness. That it seeks peace even in the slow and barren seasons to faithfully love and choose these girls, their little brother, my husband of 10 years, and so many family & friends the Lord has specifically placed in my life to love well and share His love!
These days are just as golden as the aspen leaves this time of year. This stay at home mama life is hard in the normal way that being a mom of 3 under 4 is chaotic. Drives to the mountains to witness seasons of change & the wealth of beauty as the aspens enter into their baren season are filled with potty breaks, almost running out of gas, bees trying to eat our food, and the emotional explosion of fear towards those bees from the memory of the sting that is still too fresh in the mind of our oldest. It can be easy to focus on that hard – the work it takes to get all three kids in the car & on an adventure – but God’s creation reflects His beauty, these eyes are always watching, and all the small acts of faithfulness in the long days of motherhood add up.
I want to be here, truly be here.