I’m currently sitting on the couch with my laptop, staring at a drafts folder on my website that has over 500 posts sitting in it. Yet here I am in a new tab crafting a new post that may or may not get stuck in the drafts abyss with all the rest.
I’ve got too many tabs open, I feel slightly guilty about watching the new episode of Design Star on Discovery+ because it took an hour of my free time, and I keep glancing over at my planner across the room wondering if I need to grab it to discover what I should be doing right now. Just had a quick debate with myself about closing my email tab OR closing the backend of Oak + Oats. Do I ignore the drafts and half thoughts of blog posts or do I ignore the emails and the sponsored post applications?
Oh, and it’s also 3 past 10 pm which was the time my morning self said I would be in bed by. I do feel the early morning today and all the early mornings this week that have been paired with late nights. I keep closing my eyes to rest. Which is where my next debate comes in – do I just tell myself to go to bed so I can finish this in the morning? Joke’s on me! I won’t “finish it” in the morning. This is precisely how that draft folder has grown so dang big!
Spoiler alert, I closed the email. That is why you get me here typing away. Not cleaning up the drafts, just potentially adding a new one. Still haven’t gone to bed (sorry tomorrow Beth!) I want to write an Easter post with buybuy BABY but the photos just are not something I am loving. I keep “sleeping” on them and going back in to edit them but they just feel so meh. Not bad per say, but not stunning. I wonder if I am over thinking it too much. If I should just post them because they are memories of my girls or if I want to try again. I feel like I am always in the middle of the tension of a photographer/ blogger mom – do I only post the photos that are my best work? Or just be okay with okay because they are photos of my kids. Which by the way, I have TONS of pictures of my kids. Like WAY too many. Do I need to keep them all? Post them all? Share them all?
I’ve got pictures I want to share but no words. Or I’ve got post ideas (like how I am super into thrifting these days and that Easter post I was lamenting over above) but the photos that I have for them would just be okay. And I could probably push through and just try to post something but would I be proud? And would I feel like it was time well spent? And would it be something worth reading? So instead of posting those, they just sit in my drafts waiting for the better words or the better pictures.
And while we are on this topic (because that is what this post is about apparently) what is even “worthy” of a post here on Oak + Oats? Do I post another snow day just because I like the photos? What is substantial to add to that to make it helpful or useful. Does it even need to be that? I guess the bigger question would be what is Oak + Oats? A memory book? Yes. A unlikely but very appreciated way to help provide for my family? Yes. A job? Yes. A hobby? Yes. It’s my bog and the space where I’ve created content and shared so many things for nearly 12 years. I’ve evolved from my 2010 post anything and everything style and now can be more intentional, thoughtful, and helpful. It’s been me the whole time and looked like a lot of things along the way.
Am I having a crisis? Maybe. 😉
It’s now 11:09 and my eyes are so heavy. I’m trying to read through the words I’ve written but the glare of the computer screen and my wordy post of half thoughts just makes me want to take a nap. Ironically I just edited some self timer photos that didn’t turn out the way I had hoped but I still kind of love them. Apparently my standards are arbitrary because I’m adding those photos to this post. Maybe it has more to do with how the photos make me feel than the photos themselves… Maybe it is the fact that these simple, crazy faced, out of focus photos feel a bit like the words in this post.
Newest update – I went to bed and I resolved to finish this post just for sanity sake. Also to prove to you (whoever you are out there reading this) and me that I can finish a post that is sitting in the draft abyss.
I read over my last night words and only tweaked a couple things – just trying to make us sound a little coherent over here 😉 I got a huge feeling of Déjà vu when reading it and a quick Oak + Oats search pulls up this post (Too Many Pictures, Not enough Words) that I wrote two years ago and this one (I cannot Do All the Things) from 4 years ago. So apparently every two years I revisit this theme 😉
In a way that encouraged me. Although its a bit like me never learning my lesson, it is also a bit like the ebb and flow of life. Seasons of confidence, seasons of doubt. There is not enough time to do it all – sleep, eat, raise babies, be a full time stay at home mama & also run a little business.
This morning in my quiet times I was just praying over my time and priorities. The things I want to do is too big to do now. What can wait until another day? What can wait until another season? And what is the most important thing, the things I need to do today? Each day brings a different answer but I can say that it’s okay. It’s okay not to do all the things. It is okay to not post a post I don’t feel like and post a post like this that is a gobbilty goop of thought.
And for the millionth time I remind myself that my job as mama to my girls comes first over Oak + Oats. As much as I LOVE this space, I would give it up completely to parent them better if that is what was asked of me. I know I can have a business and be a mother, but that’s not the point. Just because I can doesn’t mean I should…