• ABOUT
  • Shop
    • Shop Our Amazon Favorites
    • Shop Our Presets
  • Contact
    • Sponsorships
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Bloglovin
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Oak + Oats

A Colorado Lifestyle Blog

  • Motherhood
    • Oh Baby
    • Mama Buys
    • Pregnancy
  • Marriage
    • Date Night
    • Wedding Anniversary
  • Lifestyle
    • Family
    • Friends
    • Holidays
    • Photography
  • Home
    • Before & After
    • Yard & Garden
    • Recipes
    • Hosting
  • Travel
    • Travel Tips
    • Snapshots
    • Disney
    • Colorado
    • Colorado Springs
  • Ask Elizabeth

July 23, 2014
Lifestyle, Marriage

Daily Communication

Bruce and I have been married almost two years. We were best friends who got married and, while we do have our hard days, we have a blast together! Like any married couple, we have had to make adjustments on the way. We thought we were great at communication because we were good friends for years and even dated long distance. But after we got married, we started noticing a pattern of frustration when it came to weeknights & weekends.

At the end of a long week I was ready to wake up early to go to the farmers market. Maybe even get all dressed up and eat at a cute new eatery and have a photo shoot downtown. We would grab the rest of the groceries together and then hit the park with all our friends for a BBQ & sand volleyball. Coffee dates, shopping, theater, Church, Community group, and frozen yogurt. I wanted to pack everything into my days off.

At the end of a long week Bruce was ready for a slower pace. He wanted to sleep in, make breakfast at home, play video games, read a book on the back porch, grill out, play a game, and watch Netflix. Work on house projects, nap, build, hike, and rest. He wanted to do less to rest up for the new week.

It is pretty obvious to see where our differences lie, but each weekend we would just wing it and end up doing it all or doing nothing. We both wanted to love each other well, so we just went along with whoever was more vocal. No matter what happened, we would both end up feeling frustrated and defeated and not even knowing why.

I am not sure when this vocab worked its way into our conversations, but Bruce started asking me what my hopes were for the weekend. I am sure it was in a moment of desperation where he blurted out “What are your hopes & desires for the weekend?!” and I answered and asked him the same question. It was a question that came from his youth when his mother would always ask what his hopes were for break and she would share her hopes. It helped their family learn to express their expectations and be able to work together as a family. That weekend was better and we noticed it.

So we started making it part of our normal communication and before we knew it, we were asking it all the time. I would get home from work and Bruce would ask me my hopes for the night OR we would be laying in bed and I would ask Bruce what his hopes were for tomorrow OR during dinner Thursday night we would ask each other about hopes for the weekend.

THIS WAS HUGE. and as silly as it sounds, that little question helped our communication so much. You see, the problem was that we would make all these plans in our heads and then get to the weekend and expect them to happen. We would get frustrated that the other one didn’t have the same plans or wasn’t reacting the way we had planned. We would brush it off as the never ending introvert/ extrovert battle and try to do things our own way. We were hurt but unable to vocalize why and we realized it was because we both did not have the same excitement & energy in our weekend plans.

When we took the time to answer this question before anything began, we had time to really think about what we wanted and hear what the other person wanted. It gave us enough time in advance that we wouldn’t get defensive at the thought of our plans being so different. And together right there we would work out a compromise.

We would sleep in but go out for brunch. Then come home and Bruce would work on house projects and I would meet a girl friend for coffee. We would have a couple over for dessert and games. The next day we would go to church, come home and have computer time that afternoon ( I blog, he video games). Make dinner, go on an after dinner hike, and then watch a movie together.

It sounds so simple and really it is but it took us months (like years) to learn how to do best! Here are some quick tips that I have learned on the way:

ASK

Make sure to ask this question soon enough to plan according to the answers you hear. That time frame changes depending on what you are looking forward to – date night, lunch, evenings off, weekends, vacations, etc.

PLAN

Together come to a decision that includes hope from both of you. It might not be every hope every time but make sure that you both are doing something you had hoped for.

STICK TO IT

When you make a plan together you start looking toward the night off or the weekend with the same mind. You know the plan is sleeping in on Saturday so you don’t have to be surprised or frustrated when he does. You use the time as extra rest or to catch up on sending letters to friends. And he can sleep in knowing that when he wakes you won’t be in his face about how you had been waiting for him to wake up to go to the farmers market.

I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed knowing that I married my opposite and frustrated that we have different minds. But I also know how wonderful it is to marry my opposite and have someone who shows me a whole new side of things. When you work together and ask the right questions, those overwhelming moments can be less and those fun moments can be more!

What helps you communicate with your spouse?Β 

Related

Previous Post: « StitchFix | A Shopping Dream Come True
Next Post: Raspberry & Lemon Yellow Cake »

Primary Sidebar

Hello + Welcome!

I’m Elizabeth, a Colorado photographer and blogger. I’m also a wife, mama, sister, daughter, and friend! Welcome to Oak + Oats! Here we look for the remarkable in the every day. We love photographing our daily moments, making memories, and sharing our favorite places here in this space.

Our happiest days are spent together – many of those with a camera in hand! My free time (ie: Nap Time) is spent behind my computer screen sharing our tips and stories with you! I’m glad you’re here!

stay up to date

READ MORE ABOUT

  • Motherhood
  • Marriage
  • Home
  • Colorado
  • Travel
  • Holidays
  • Ask Elizabeth

OLDER POSTS

My Word for 2021

Cheers! Themed First Birthday Party

2021 Photo Calendar

Looking back on 2020

Christmas Eve

Oh Christmas Tree

The North Pole

A Christmas Tour Of Our House

The Family Holiday Gift Guide

Creating Christmas Family Traditions & Being okay when they Change

New Mama Holiday Gift Guide

Unique Bible Verses to include in your Christmas Cards

Christmas Outfits for baby + Toddler Girl

Our Christmas Tree

BuybuyBABY Toy Gift Guide

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM

Officially sharing my word for the year on the blo Officially sharing my word for the year on the blog today! You'll never guess from this image, but my word this year is..... CREATE! ⁠
⁠
#TheMayberryTileMat
Filler photo so that I can post another photo of m Filler photo so that I can post another photo of my Tile Mat and have them not be back to back on my feed 😜 But also just the cutest two-year-old on the block!
You guys know how much I love photo projects and h You guys know how much I love photo projects and how I love filling our home with my favorite photos so you should not be surprised by this post 😜 I love @ArtifactUprising and I've done several photo projects with them over the years, so when I saw this calendar I thought it would be a perfect addition for the new year to bring joy to 2021! πŸ₯‚ It is the prettiest photo calendar that I ever did see! Just hung this baby up in our dinning room and I have to say, this room is about complete. Like complete complete! It even has baseboards! Maybe we will even get baseboards up in all the rooms this year πŸ˜‚ More on that later, but if you are in love with this calendar as much as I am, use code OAKS15 to save 15% on your order at #ArtifactUprising!Β πŸ™ŒπŸΌ
My word for the year is create. So I took two hour My word for the year is create. So I took two hours of my weekend to create this! πŸ˜‚ CHEERS πŸ₯‚ #tilemat
Oh hey guys it's me! I've been in and out of Insta Oh hey guys it's me! I've been in and out of Instagram lately. A couple months ago I deleted Instagram from my phone for a little break. And I keep doing it because it is so nice. Sometimes I delete the app but still have photos post because they are scheduled and now you know my little secret πŸ˜‰ ⁠
⁠
But really, I just took another break and while I am committed to this place because it holds so many of my memories, I'm not like super addicted to it (which is really a healthy place to be!) HAHA. ⁠
⁠
I'm realizing I don't have unlimited time to post and share all the things I want to and so when I do have time, I want to spend more time of it creating blog posts and less time scrolling IG. It's not you, it's me! HAHA. If you want to to keep hearing from me, make sure you are subscribed to our emails!! Link in bio and also stories!
It's been too long since we had a #HildeintheAir p It's been too long since we had a #HildeintheAir pic. You're welcome!

Footer

MOTHERHOOD

Oh Baby
Mama Buys
Pregnancy

COLORADO
Colorado Springs

HOME
Recipes
Hosting
Before & After

MARRIAGE
Date Night
Anniversaries

TRAVEL
Travel Tips
Snapshots
Disney

SHOP
Shop our Amazon List
Shop our Presets

Copyright © 2021 Β· OAK + OATS